So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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