LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
