Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
