When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
