If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They took my balls.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
