i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There's always time for handjobs
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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