I just threw up on my dentist
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
