Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
