I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
