I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
