My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
