never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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