I could have mohawked her pubes.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
