I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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