The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
