my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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