I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
