how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize