i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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