i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
