my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do vagina's smell?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
