he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
they need to just BURY HIM!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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