It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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