I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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