Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
