You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
