Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
