I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
