I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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