How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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