i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Michael Bay diarrhea
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
