I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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