It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
