Apparently you make a good broom.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
