Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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