What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
we should paint friendship bongs
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