Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
