Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
