Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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