i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
