I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
