There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
