This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize