Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
