Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
