I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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