I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
