i just wanna soil my oats bro
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
