I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
