We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
