shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
