i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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