Your tits are I can't wait for
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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