hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
