And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
