when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
