Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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