Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
