What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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