the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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