The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i don't like sucking hair
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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