brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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