those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
