I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
