Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize