I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
