Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
