I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
