I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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