Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
